Yo WFUN Nation!

I'm staring at a white screen trying to think of something to write.

And when I'm coming up blank, one of my fave techniques is to check my camera roll for ideas. I just scroll through, hunting for stories to share.

Today, I happened upon a video of a recent high school reunion party.

No the video won't play, I just screen grabbed this. So don't press the button, lol.

My batch is scattered across the four corners na, with some now based in Europe, US, Australia, and the Middle East. So hindi kumpleto sa class photo.

And that got me checking my contacts list.

Something somewhat depressing occurred to me - scrolling through a couple thousand names, I could probably count my real friends on one hand.

And most of them go way, way back. At least a decade minimum, with the exception of a few of my freelancing contemporaries.

Don't get me wrong , I have plenty of "connections." Industry contacts, fellow freelancers, college buddies na orgmates, former colleagues... pero yung tipong pwede kong tawagan at 2 AM just to talk about life?

Or yung pwedeng bigla na lang mag-message ng "Tara, kape!"?

Ang konti na lang.

Remember when we were kids or students? Making friends was as easy as sharing your baon or sitting next to someone in class. Tapos bigla na lang, best friends na kayo.

But now? As busy freelancers working from home? Asa pa.

Also, do we even really need MORE friends? Diba kaya nga nag-work from home tayo was to get away from people este spend more time with family?

(Luh I'm turning anti-social na yata, sheesh)

The short answer though is: yes. 

Ang network natin ay parang mga tanim... if you don't water them, they'll wither away. We naturally lose people over the years, some we outgrow, and others we stop hanging out with due to differences in beliefs and mindsets na din.

This is natural, and therefore we also need to keep growing our network to healthy levels. Here are 4 big reasons why:

1. More Opportunities: You never know when a connection might lead to your next gig or collaboration. It's like that time you met someone at a party, and suddenly you're working on an exciting project together. I know of several friends who formed their now-successful and profitable agencies this way. Sa meetup sila nagka-roon to have a chance to really talk, and the rest is history. I also have another friend who eventually became the COO of a company just by attending a group lunch.

2. Learning from Others: Surrounding yourself with different people means you get to learn from their experiences and perspectives. It means you're no longer always the smartest person in the room.

If you're feeling stuck, one of the reasons why is you have the same old faces surrounding you na lang palagi. No new ideas are flowing.

3. Support System: Life can throw curveballs, and having a solid network means you have a support system ready to back you up. Whether it's advice or just someone to vent to, (or mauutangan hehe ) it's crucial.

4. Stay Relevant: The world changes fast, especially in freelancing. Needless to say, keeping your network fresh helps you stay updated on trends and opportunities. Sure you can get notified online, or watch Youtube videos, pero iba pa din yung seeing it in person, being actively implemented by others.

This is why we attend events and join online communities. Making the effort to become real friends is simply taking it to the next level.

After reflecting on my own journey (and yes, I have my fair share of failed attempts at building deeper connections), I've learned (from Mel Robbins) na we really can't fake it. There are three vital conditions that need to align for real friendship to grow:

1. Proximity

Hindi enough yung online connections lang. You need to physically be near each other regularly. Kaya nga dati sa school or office, doon nabubuo yung mga solid friendships - you see each other every single day!

My friends from way back in corporate are still in contact with me to this day. And we even go on video calls sometimes pa din.

And I think we can do this where we're local din. We can start being proactive sa pag-organize ng regular meetups.

I know, this might feel counter-intuitive.

Kasi nga diba, as people who work from home, we've left the office break room and exchanged it for Zoom room. Pero let's be honest - kahit gaano ka pa ka-engaging yung virtual meetings, iba pa rin yung energy ng face-to-face interactions.

2. Timing

Parang love life lang yan - it's all about timing! You need to be going through similar life phases. When I was starting out as a freelancer, ang hirap mag-connect with my friends in traditional jobs. Different schedules, different struggles, different priorities.

Minsan kahit gusto mo mag-reach out, hindi match yung seasons ng buhay niyo. They might be deep in the corporate grind while you're building your freelance business, or they're focusing on their young family while you're still in hustle mode.

So now is the perfect time to look for people with the same timing naman.

3. Energy

This is the most intangible but possibly the most important - you need to be at the same frequency! Hindi enough na same location kayo or same life stage. Your energies need to match.

I know mejo woowoo yung part na to. But I felt it din.

I've been in countless networking events where everyone's "friendly," pero hindi talaga click. Wala yung spark ba.

Yung alam mo yung feeling na parang forced lang? That's mismatched energy.

Or kahit people who fundamentally believe in different things, kahit they're good people naman but di kayo nag-share ng political opinion, it's hard to get close to them kahit you have nothing against the person naman. Sadyang ganyan lang talaga siguro.

Kaya nga I'm actually grateful for our small little group here.

I'm grateful to you, .

While we might not all be BFFs, there's something powerful about being surrounded by people who GET IT - who understand the freelance life, the struggles, the wins, the epic fails, the whole journey.

Here's what I've learned: Instead of forcing friendships to happen, focus on creating opportunities for these three factors to align naturally:

- Join communities (online AND offline) where you'll regularly encounter like-minded people

- Be open about your own season in life - you'll attract others in the same phase

- Don't be afraid to let your authentic energy shine - your vibe will attract your tribe

Bossing ng friendzone,

Shoden "Tara Kape" San

P.S. Speaking of connections, we have an upcoming meetup at my favorite co-working space in Lipa. Will share details soon. 😉

btw , I'm curious - how do you maintain friendships as an adult? Have you found it challenging? Reply and let me know your thoughts!

🎉 Pst. Don't Keep Me A Secret. if you found value this email, please Refer this newsletter to your freelancer friends. This helps me a lot, thanks!