Hi

We've made it to week two of four.

A month before NOvember, I asked two questions:

1. If you said no more often, what would you want to free up?
2. What do you find most challenging about saying no?

Answers to 1 were evenly split between Energy and Time.

Question 2 gave multiple-choice options, which I've organised by popularity.

1. I don't like to disappoint people (or hurt their feelings) (highest vote 81.6%).
2. I don't want to say no because I enjoy new experiences and opportunities (next most popular at 39.5%).
3. I'm worried it could affect my prospects or reputation.
4. I'm not organised enough to say no.
5. I can't afford to say no; I need the money.
6. I don't want to say no because I love being busy.
7. I can't say no. I don't have the option to say no.
8. I'm not sure how to. I say yes because it's easiest (the answer with the lowest vote, 5.3%).

Almost everyone responding, 8 out of 10, said the most challenging thing about saying no is disappointing people.

This isn't surprising. As humans, in society, we lean towards reciprocity, but as a behavioural tendency, it can become extreme and lead to a life out of balance. We will explore some of this in the worksheet.

Download the Week 2 PDF



Perhaps saying no isn't the problem; it's just the symptom. If your sense of social worth is tied to saying yes, being helpful and busy, and you are self-condemnatory about rest, downtime or taking work slowly, this is your Day Crafting challenge – and it's not an easy one to remedy. The inner rules we've made for ourselves can be very painful to fight against. Some of us can only manage to once we've burned out or had a health scare. Replace your rules? If wise-you could rewrite the set of inner rules your behaviour follows, what would they look like?

I'm asking you to send me stories about how you're getting in.

David sent this in:

"I finally did it—I said "no" to three-quarters of my job responsibilities, and guess what? I didn't get the boot for the remaining quarter. It's been a three-year-long slog, feeling utterly bogged down. But here's the kicker: the moment I let go, I was flooded with this incredible energy for things I'd been too mentally exhausted to tackle. Take my front door, for instance—it fell off its hinges, and I'd been putting off fixing it for ages. Now? Sorted. And when a recruiter rang up with a job offer, old me would've been torn, fretting over whether I was missing a golden chance. Not anymore. With my goals crystal clear, if it's not a resounding "yes," it's a firm "no." Just like that, I saved us all a heap of time."

Good luck with the work. Let me know how you're getting on – and understand that the Day Crafting community and I are here to help.

Yours,

Bruce

PS: I like reciprocity. For example, I hope you've shared your Day Crafting Newsletter link with friends ;-)