Hi , apologies for the delay - I've just seen this failed to send yesterday afternoon!

So there's this idea that I love and have loved for the last decade.

I heard it on a podcast and have never forgotten it.

Pain and suffering are different.

Suffering is pain with intention.

ie. You can't choose your pain, but you can choose what you suffer for.

Suffering includes pain plus context – duration, direction, and resolution

So the idea that you can take from this is:

What pains are you willing to suffer for?

Because pain is a certainty.

The most privileged, safe, rich people still have pains and hardship.

First world problems are still problems.

We're still humans - BEING.

No matter how much effort you give to removing life's discomfort, they'll still be there.

All that happens in an 'easy life' is your sensitivity cranks up to 11.

You'll be the princess and the pea.

Because you've trained to only expect comfort.

So, the question my dear reader is:

Are you in pain, or are you suffering?

Because, in most cases, you can choose.

Let me explain:

Imagine you're in Guantanamo Bay and you're made to run as a punishment.

Endless running leading to endless pain.

There is going to be a point where you are objectively suffering the same amount of pain-per-minute as someone completing a marathon.

But the marathon runner is not being tortured. You are.

The difference is they are suffering for a goal - to complete the race.

They see the pain as a necessary evil.

You don't.

Pain only.

No goal.

No control.

No reward.

This can be the same for any gym class you go to.

Without the context, the understanding that:

"This makes me look better"

"This makes me fitter"

"This prevents other pains and diseases"

"This boosts my mood"

And, of course "I'm here by choice"

-no one told to complete a HIIT class would do it.

There's also the element of understanding.

Imagine you're at home and feeling a dull pain in your stomach.

That's pain. You don't know what it is. You're uncertain and worried.

Then you see a Doctor.

He tells you what it is. A diagnosis.

The pain is now suffering. It's better understood. It's validated.

More-so, even though the gut pain is the same, there's often a well-documented reduction in reported pain once people receive a diagnosis.

Consider also that the brain treats things it doesn't understand as pain.

Once understood, the threat and perceived danger reduces.

And I get it, you might read this and think, 'Hmm, I see your point, but this is just word play'

And sure, it's a little crude.

But whilst it is about definitions...

It also isn't.

Because it's also about reframing and keeping a higher goal in mind, for whatever you're doing.

As Nietzsche once wrote:

"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how"

This isn't just an exercise thing.

It's how you justify, decide and ride the wave of any difficulties that happen to you.

a) If you have to cancel plans with a friend last minute due to work, that's painful. You're not in control or able to see a positive.

b) But if you're working towards a certain commission target and this is going to help you close a deal to get you there (the goal), it's suffering for a cause.

a) If the boiler runs cold in your shower when you're covered in soap, washing it out is going to be misery. It's not deliberate or proactive.

b) Meanwhile other people run it cold every day, it's the same effect but met with an anticipated and (often still painful) reaction.

This is where punishment and training come at loggerheads.

Same input, different perception and, therefore, different output.

So, just to recap.

Knowing that you're 100% going to experience hardship no matter how hard you try not to...

Do you want to be the reactive prey animal that meekly tiptoes through life?

Or

Is this the day you realise that choosing challenges, and even creating deliberate hardship, every day, to beat head-on is the better way to live?

Remember too that the harder the challenge you intentionally train against, the smaller and easier any chanced or accidental issue compares.

ie. If you've smashed a HIIT class by 9am, you are biologically in a better state to open your emails to some stressful hiccup.

TL;DR:

1. Choose what you suffer for.
2. Resilience is trained (and there's another email coming on that soon).
3. Helplessness is learnt. (Ditto above).

And just to wrap this up. Alex Hormozi has a great thought (to paraphrase it):

'If you wanted to build a human with extreme confidence, discipline, and resilience, you wouldn’t give them an easy life. You’d give them pressure, uncertainty, responsibility, and repeated failure.'

So, with that in mind...

Who do you want to be?

What challenges do you need to get there?

Perhaps you can consider one new 'suffer' you can take on this December (after all, life's probably not too hard right now), and add it to your daily ritual.

• 45 second plank before bed
• 30s cold shower (at very end)
• 10 mins of active cross legged meditation (no tech)
• One awkward conversation at work
• 5 minutes active list making, day planning - only for those that struggle with this ;)
• Etc.

So what is it going to be?

Feel free to hit reply to share with me.

Or forward this to someone who might benefit from a bit more deliberate challenge.

Good luck,

James