Hey ,

Are you up for a challenge? 🙂

When we have been hurt we tend to close off around our heart. Locking down that part of ourselves that serves to protect it.

I want to look at your life right now.

Where have you put up invisible boundary lines?

Where is it that your NO! is firm? Did you find a couple places where it is difficult for you to say no? Or where you say no but when you are pushed you give in?

Here’s the thing. We all want to improve ourselves. We all want the best for our children and family.

No one wants to seem mean or stingy. And yet, if you keep on giving away everything you have, giving away all of you time, what have you got left for yourself?

Today I want you take a couple minutes to stop what you are doing. Yep. Stop right now, get a pen and a sheet of paper.

Draw a horizontal line across the paper. Divide the line into equal thirds. Each 1/3 represents a part of your life. So, if you are 45 years old now, the 1^st third would be ages 1-15.

In each third, write down at least 3 major occurrences that affected you. What did the occurrence mean to you then? I’ve done an example for you below.

1- 15 years old |

My grandmother laughed at me when I was singing and

dancing if front of the television at 5 years old.

Message:

I can’t sing. Don’t perform in public– people will laugh at you

Developed a bust at 13. Was teased. Boys found me attractive 🙂:

Message:

Boys tease girls (and say hateful things) when they like them.

Went on school trip to Mexico. For first time in my life I could talk

to others without my parents looking over my shoulder.

Message:

My parents trusted me. Personal Freedom is really beautiful

16- 30 years old|

16th birthday party. I wasn’t allowed

to decide who could come – my parents did. The girls I hung out with at school could not come because they were too “low class”.

One boy who I hated came. He was from the ‘right family’. I didn’t want anything to do with him.

Affect:

I felt I had no voice even when I was told I did. Felt like I didn’t know what was best for me. Felt like I had no ambition because I hung out with the wrong crowd.

Lesson:

older people know better

Lesson:

learn to protect yourself. Your parents don’t even know the people they tell you hang out with.

Fondled by my “uncle” at 18 at church.

Message of 16^th birthday party reinforced. Fear of males. Fear/lack of trust in established religion

31-45 years old

Being pressured to marry by my grandmother

Affect:

Made a decision to marry based on someone else’s desires. Not mine.

As you went through this exercise were there any surprises there for you? Any aha moments when you were able to connect the dots between what happened then and other occurrences or even your present life? Did you see anywhere that your past experiences have influenced your ability to say NO?

Our life is an interconnected web and experiences that we might not even remember at a conscious level, can impact how we show up in the world today.

In our next email we will assess where you are in terms of your boundaries.

Holding you safe,

Reminding you that you are awesome.

Dr. Sandra Hamilton

The Confidence Builder