In my last few emails, I wrote about the ego and the negative self, explaining how they can make life difficult and unsatisfying.

The emails focused on the puffing-up aspect of the ego -- the side that gets you thinking you are "really good" and "better than others." This often leads others to see you as stuck up and full of yourself.

Your ego high may go on for a while as you bask in the light of your innate brilliance. Beware! You are being set up for a fall.

That’s what happened to me when I let my ego praise my workshop readings of Adnan's writing. I did not bask for long. My fall was almost instantaneous to my ego telling me, "Ooh, that was good!" 

Besides teaching me how to rein in my ego, reading Adnan's writings, with their unique grammatical structure and haphazard punctuation, helped me to stay focused and in the moment. I quickly learned to shoo away the ego thoughts like pesky flies. Who wants to look like a fool? I was very motivated.

During my reading, I stayed with the sound, the texture, and the rhythm of his words. Many fell into a deep sleep. Others sat mesmerized and hungry for the next sentence. None of this was my doing. What happened for each was a consequence of their individual development in the work and what they could take in. My reading was holding the space for them to be as they are.

The other way ego affects you is through negativity — towards yourself and others. It’s being judgemental, dissatisfied, complaining, and only seeing the bad. It leaves you feeling miserable.

I had a recent encounter with that side of my ego last week. 

I had just finished “Chemistry Lessons,” the new novel by Bonne Garmus. It's about a brilliant woman chemist trying to do research in the 1950s on the origin of life. Unfortunately, she was not taken seriously as was typical in the 50s. She was dismissed from graduate school when she resisted the assault by her thesis advisor, ridiculed by coworkers at the research institute where she worked, and then had her research usurped by her boss and published under HIS name. 

It is difficult to listen to these horrific examples of female degradation, not only because I grew up in the 50s and 60s, but because, even more depressing, women are still being dismissed today. 

Last week, I learned that Marianne Williamson, the presidential candidate I have been supporting, has withdrawn from the race. She stood for everything I value – ecological responsibility, affordable healthcare, corporate accountability, reining in the Military Industrial Complex, creating a department of peace, and healing the ideological rift among Americans. She was ignored by the media and having repelled the deep-pocket support of corporate America, could not break through the walls.

Hope snatched away, I felt uncertain about everything: the US election, the wars, the world, climate chaos, and -- yup! -- even my work. That’s what the ego does — stomps on you when you’re feeling down.

I looked at my emails, illustrations, videos, and coaching programs and saw them as lacking. I almost replaced the dinosaur illustration from my Good Grief masterclass flyer with something more generic.

Do you ever struggle with feeling not good enough or relevant? I think many of us do. Why else is 1 out of 6 Americans on some sort of psychiatric drug (according to the National Institute of Mental Health)? And that doesn't account for all those self-medicating through drinking, nicotine, binge eating, drugs, video games, and overwork.

Sufi work has made me alert to the machinations of my ego and negative self. I immediately took steps to rein it in. I exercised, wrote in my journal, took a walk, and talked with my husband. But I wasn't quite free of the negativity.

Then I read the email from Isabelle (see last week's email) about translating Adnan's talks in Spain. Her essay about the effect of this activity on her Spirit felt like a nudge from the Universe, or God, or Adnan reminding me of what is truly important in life. 

When we are connected to Spirit, we see the world differently--wonderful instead of disappointing.

Yes, we still must navigate the ups and downs of life and do the best we can. But we must resist the temptation to buy into all the various fear scenarios that are promoted by others and our very own egos.

Years ago, Fernando, one of Adnan’s students said to me, “I used to have a lot of problems in my life and then I found the Sufi work. I still have problems, they just don’t bother me so much.”

Life is to be enjoyed not endured. Chase out the negative thoughts and look for your blessings. Sufi class makes that easy because you learn what it is like not to worry and how to shift out of worry into peace.

Sometimes I forget who I am and my ego takes the helm. Then, BINGO, the universe, God, or Adnan, sends me an email from a Sufi friend that reawakens me to my breath, my life, and my profound gratitude for everything life brings. Sufi practice makes me sensitive to these nudges.

Thank you, Isabel, God, and Adnan for the wake-up. 

Could you use a wake-up nudge? Join me for another Sufi meditation session tomorrow, Friday, February 16 at 9 am PST and Sunday, February 18 at 8 am PST. 

The Zoom link is:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89999494833?pwd=V2pOS28yYUdXM3hkaW1rVWIvSjBUdz09

Meeting ID: 899 9949 4833

Passcode: SUFI

Here's a time converter link to check the time in your location.

Be peaceful.

Michelle

Dr. Michelle Peticolas

Life Transformation Coach

Empowering Women to Reinvent Their Life After Loss

Secrets of Life and Death

https://www.facebook.com/secretsoflifeanddeath.com